((PLEASE NOTE: This thread has
constructive criticism on. If you are confused by a post or have a suggestion on how a post can be improved please chime in. This is for the benefit of improving writing skill. ANYONE who isn't in the roleplay may chime in but it HAS to be constructive. No saying "this is a crappy post because_____."
For the post above me I have the following suggestions
* Put spaces in your paragraph. When a person speaks then it switches to another, there should be a new paragraph. It will make your post appear short, yes, but that is how dialogue is written.
* Watch phrasing. "I'd leave you to your drunkenness" could be stated better. Also, watch repetition. You have "drunken guildsman" right above "leave you to your drunkenness" and then "drunken guildsman" right afterward. We know which character is drunk and which is not. The repetition can be replaced by pronouns or other statements. Also, "decide to clean your clock" is quite unconventional phrasing, but you got the point across as malicious intent so it is understood. Just be careful in the instance of using phrases like that in the future because without the context they may not be as clear.
And that's how it'll work. You just list what you feel could be changed.
Posts do not need to be edited in accordance to these suggestions. They are simply things to help with future posts.))
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The thinnest of the three men was dressed in dark brown, leather armour. He hung back behind the other two a little while holding a knife menacingly. He wore a cruel sneer on his face but his eyes held a fog behind them. It was obvious this man had been drinking. His stance was unusually wide as if he were worried about tripping over. He spat at the ground near the guildsman's feet.
"You shtole somefin of mine," the drunk man slurred. He pointed the tip of the knife forward. "And I want it back."
He had no idea that Jagter was there, nor did he care.
