I've been meaning to write something about this for quite some time now. Its the story about how this species and its community helped saved my life. You may remember my journals on DA about how miserable I really was, I usually deleted them shortly after. In the past 6 years I've gone through severe depression and social anxiety, I would think and dream about harming/killing myself daily so I wouldn't have to go to work. I absolutely hated my job and I was too afraid to change anything. I wanted to change but in my mind it wasn't worth the effort and at the same time I was afraid of going out and applying somewhere else. Mental illness is serious, it messes you up. I would come home every night and cry, I would never leave the house other than to go to work, I lived in fear. I couldn't sleep, I would throw up after I ate, it was complete hell. I was afraid to tell anyone.
During all this my mother abandoned my brother and I, my grandfather died and a couple other minor things. The things I held onto were my online friends and characters. Shinlai in particular took my interest, and with them the community. I could get away from my anxiety and depression for a short while with drawing and stories. I'm sure I came off annoying with my questions and constant messaging, you guys probably thought I was some sort of stalker. I did seem crazy obsessed at times, I apologize for coming off like that. Its hard when you had a total of 0 friends that you can talk to face to face and your family is distant. It was nice I could talk to some of you. Having Antissa, Moose, Tullia, and Balsa helped me a lot mentally. It sounds weird now that I am writing it, but I love them and this community.
In the past 2 years a lot has changed. The managers giving me such a hard time at work were demoted and moved. Now I have a lovely manager that understands my issues, cares for me as a person and is like the mother figure I never had. After my grandfather died one of my cousins taught me how to drive (since my parents wouldn't) and I got a car, I'm afraid of driving but I manage. I can do what I want now, go places with people. I have friends I can hang out with now. I left my house for the first time in years this June, my depression has been going away and I don't feel the need to cry as much. The social anxiety is still persistent, and its hell talking to strangers still.
I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you guys for being kind and caring community. You never know who is struggling with mental issues that could use a friend or even a couple kind words. I hid it for years from my family, and I still hide it from them. It actually took until recently to figure out what problems I had. I thought I was just going crazy or something.
Continue being awesome guys. Mental issues are no joke, get help. I'm sure my case was minor in comparison to others, I overcame a lot of it without meds. But others are more severe and it eventually will destroy a person from the inside out. I've done a lot of soul searching and self realization to come this far, never give up, things can get better.
